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两个人在一起最好的状态是什么?

2017-01-10    来源:普特英语听力    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

两个人在一起最好的状态是什么呢?

 
是“愿得一人心,白首不相离”?
 
还是“玲珑骰子安红豆,入骨相思知不知”?
 
又或者是“只愿君心似我心,定不负相思意”?
 
更或者是“恨君不似江楼月,南北东西,南北东西,只有相随无别离”?
 
到了了,又是“结发为夫妻,恩爱两不疑”?
 
可能不同人的不同感情状态都是不同的,但两个人在一起最好的状态是什么呢?可能正在处对象,或者处过对象,更或者憧憬处对象的人都想知道。
 
感情也是需要努力经营的嘛,我们不妨向专家学习学习,两个人在一起最好的状态到底是什么样的——
 
1.They are generous with compliments. 
   不吝啬于夸赞对方
 
“Everyone needs compliments and they especially need them from their partner. You cannot give too many sincere compliments ― whether you have been together 5 years or 50. It can be simple things like saying, ‘You look especially gorgeous today’ to deeply felt statements like ‘I was so proud of you today when you gave our son such wise advice.’”― Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology and certified sexologist
“每个人都需要赞美,尤其是来自于他们爱人的。但是,像那种太过于严肃的夸赞,即便你们是相处了很多年的老夫老妻,也还是不要太多了。类似于‘宝宝你今天真漂亮',以及'宝贝你真是太聪明了,能给我们儿砸这么好的建议’,这样简单的赞美就足够啦。”——Pepper Schwartz,社会学教授以及两性专家
 
2.They disagree at times, but they fight fair. 
   即便意见相左,也要公平斗争
 
“Disagreeing isn’t a marriage problem ― it’s normal. Disagreements are opportunities to practice conflict resolution and build communication skills. Take a look at your disagreements and see what bad habits each partner has when you disagree. Do you talk over each other? Get angry? Yell? Swear? Name call? Disengage? Each partner should make a list of their bad tendencies and use future disagreements to practice responding differently and building better communication skills.” ― Kurt Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men
“在婚姻中出现意见相左的情况是再平常不过的事情,这种情况反而是一种锻炼彼此解决矛盾的能力、以及建立好的沟通技巧的机会。认真检视一下你们意见相左的到底是什么问题,以及彼此在遇到这种情况时都有什么不好的习惯。有没有好好交流?开始跳脚发脾气?大喊大叫诅咒彼此?叫着全名要散伙?每对小情侣都应该把这种坏习惯列好,然后等以后再吵架的时候,就可以用不同的方式来回击对方,建立更好的沟通机制。”——Kurt Smith,男性情感咨询师

3.They focus on the things they like about their partner, rather than the things they don’t.
   更多的关注自己喜欢对方的那一面,而不是不喜欢的一面
 
“This positive perspective, which is a trend among the happiest couples in decades of research by The Gottman Institute, is something that increases warmth, friendship and feeling generally liked by their partner. This does not mean that they let their standards for the relationship go out the window. But when these couples are met with perpetual problems, even then they find the humor in their differences and work to find temporary compromises.” ― Kari Carroll, couples therapist
“这一观点是Gottman研究所对那些幸福美满的couple,进行长达数十年的研究后发现的。更积极地看待对方,能够让你的另一半变得更暖更友好,更能让对方感受到你的喜欢。这并不是意味着感情中要将自己的原则置之不理,而是当面对一些长远的问题时,也能够苦中作乐,找到当下的解决办法。”——Kari Carroll,婚姻治疗师
 
4.They don’t expect their partner to read their mind; they ask for what they need.
   不期望于对方能有读心术,主动表达自己的需求
 
“The happiest couples we see make it a habit to ask for what they need and listen to each other’s needs. Running around hoping another person will know what you need or that you are supposed to know exactly what they need is a recipe for disaster. The happiest couples are delighted to openly talk about needs and honor differences in needs without feeling like anyone should have already known or that their ‘soulmate’ will have the same needs as them.” ― Dr. Danielle Harel, sex and relationship coach
“那些幸福的情侣,他们都有一个好的习惯,那就是主动表达自己需求,认真聆听对方所愿。强烈希望对方能够读懂自己的心思,或是要求自己读懂对方的心思,都会导致悲剧的发生。美满的夫妻多数都非常热衷于讨论自己的需求,尊重并理解双方需求的差异性。他们不会觉得对方理所应当能够“猜出”自己的心中所想,更不会要求对方成为所谓的'灵魂伴侣'。”——Dr. Danielle Harel,两性关系指导专家
 
5.They set aside time to reconnect.
   花时间重新深入联系
 
“They understand that in long-term relationships, affection and sex don’t just happen, couples need to have a commitment to cultivating connection instead of hoping it just happens. For example, at the beginning of a relationship, most couples can’t keep their hands off each other. Later on in a relationship, they can’t seem to keep their hands off their phones or computers. Couples who commit to prioritizing time to be together, to show affection and to keep learning and growing around sex, are definitely the happiest.” -- Celeste Hirschman, sex and relationship coach
“在长期的感情中,爱和性都不会突然迸发,情侣们应该努力去激励培养这种联系,而不是寄希望于它自然而然的发生。比如,在一段感情的初期,情侣们总是忍不住对对方上下其手,然而好景不长,他们上下其手到对象变成了手机电脑。能够主动留出时间和爱人相处,表达自己的爱意和欲望,这样的情侣不幸福才怪。”——Celeste Hirschman,两性关系指导专家
 
6.They laugh together ― often.
   总是一同欢笑
 
“It’s easy for a relationship to deteriorate into just talking about logistics, saving your funny anecdotes for your best friend or coworker. This is a mistake. When couples get out of the habit of laughing together, their relationship is at risk of losing its joy and spirit.”― Dr. Samantha Rodman
“跟伴侣之间的交流只剩下一些生活琐事——反而把有趣的东西只分享给朋友和同事——极易导致感情的恶化。这可是一个大错。当情侣都不再一起分享喜悦开怀大笑,这段恋情就已经丧失了它的快乐和存在的意义。”——Dr. Samantha Rodman

7.They discuss their finances.
   讨论彼此的经济状况
 
“Fighting over money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Unfortunately, most couples avoid talking about money until they have money problems so big they can no longer be ignored. Forcing yourselves to talk about money before there is a big problem is one of the smartest things you can do to ensure your marriage will be happy and long-lasting.” ―Kurt Smith
“因为金钱引发的争吵是离婚的罪魁祸首之一。不幸的是,很多情侣经常避免讨论自己的经济状况,直到财务危机已经四面楚歌时才被动选择交流。在出现大的经济问题之前,就逼迫自己主动与对方进行财务方面的交流,才是幸福长久婚姻的维持之道。”——Kurt Smith
 
专家说的固然有道理,但我们也不能盲信权威,还是要结合自身感情的实际情况来看,毕竟,具体问题具体分析是马克思主义活的灵魂嘛。
 
那么,你的感情状态怎么样呢?哪方面需要改进呢?


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